Reflections on Marriage while Making Cha

When drinking cha/tea almost replaces drinking water, you begin to reflect on its goodness a little more. So thinking about how making a great cup of tea can be associated with a happy marriage has been fun.

For the benefit of those who don’t know what ‘cha’ means or how it’s made, here’s some info. Cha is the Bengali word for tea. And it can be made differently – they are all delicious. The way we make it at home is we boil equal quantities of milk and water, depending on the number of cups of tea we desire, with some loose tea, sugar to taste and mostly some cinnamon. Cinnamon can be replaced by cardamom or ginger. They are all excellent additions. Turn the stove off when it begins to boil, strain the tea in a cup and sluuuuurrrrppp! Aaaaahhhhhh!

But if you get distracted and stop paying attention to that pot of cha, it will boil over. Happens to the best of us. So watch it even when you think you are its master. It will deceive you. I see a similar connection with marriage. Pay attention to your partner – they’re worth all that attention. And guess what when you are able to take that boiling pot of tea off the stove without having spilled any, you don’t have to deal with cleaning the spilled mess. As they say, there’s no use crying over spilled tea. But after spilling tea too many times, I know for sure that it has made things worse when I  have panicked. Staying calm is key to dealing with unwanted messiness.

Now cha, you see, needs just few main ingredients, cha, milk or water or both, and sugar, if you like it sweet. So does marriage, we are beginning to notice. If we were to rate the top ingredients that could be termed as basic ingredients to a delicious marriage, they would be time, tickles and talk. Time, of course, needs no additional explanation. You spend time with those you love. Simple. Tickles serve the purpose of humor and shared laughter, esp for those of you with a terrible sense of humor. It’s awesome to be able to laugh loudly together. Talk, again, is obvious. If you stop talking to each other, it will begin to create gaps that will be filled by other people and things. Talk everyday.If you’re running out of conversations, watch a movie together and discuss that. Talk about a book you read or a song you heard. Or a bird you saw. Try it till it becomes easy to talk everyday. Then silence will be comfortable too.

But you see, the spices you add to your cha, can make it extra special. Figure out what that is for you and try it. Dressing up, enjoying a walk together, special meals, same meal served differently, vacations, canceling all weekend plans to spend all that time in the same house together. Without quarrelling. All wonderful!

It’s also important to take turns when making cha. Serve each other.

That’s as simple as it can sound. Maybe marriage is deeper than making a cup of cha but the joy of enjoying that delicious cup together makes up for the many times that pot overflowed.

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